decision

de·ci·sion (dĭ-sĭzh′ən)

n.

1. A conclusion or judgment reached after consideration.

2. The act of reaching a conclusion or of passing of judgment on an issue under consideration.

“free as you want to be” is my take on what it truly feels like to be bigger than your current situation or job and wanting to leave, but staying because you feel trapped – like there’s no other choice but to confine yourself to the cage you’ve always known.

This painting helped me work through feelings of entrapment,resentment, powerlessness, self doubt and fear of the unknown. My Meditative Expressive Art process allowed me the chance to work through these difficult emotions and by the time I finished this painting, I was ready to put my plan of action for following my dreams into effect and no longer allowed myself to settle for being in the passenger seat of my life.

Start Date:

April 2021

End Date:

October 2021

This is what I came to terms with and worked through during my Meditative Expressive Art sessions:

in this depiction, there are colorful creative beings, powerful beyond measure held captive, atop high-rise roofs away from the rest of civilization. their creative potential, energy, and power so great they are coveted by those who seek to exploit these talents for their own monetary gain. put into identical suits and keeping them insecure by creating feelings of doubt and inadequacy by framing their strengths as abnormal and “wrong”. without the proper environment, nourishment and encouragement, their abilities are stunted and only a fraction of what they could be were they not in cages.

the cages are hollow and lack the ability to contain these beings, any one of them can leave whenever they wish, but the brain-washing and conditioning have penetrated so deeply that they don’t even try to escape because they believe it to be impossible. it is easy to feel like there are no choices to be made to fix our situations when we lack the proper access to information and opportunities to change our perspective from survival mode into a growth mindset.

the small, chained shadow figure represents supervisors - those who are required to monitor and condition. They are often seen as the main antagonist but are only the messengers for the supervisors they have to answer to and channels for societal expectations they feel they must also adhere to.

“free as you want to be” challenges the idea of being trapped in the rat race and 9-5 routine. It is much easier to blame the system completely and close our eyes on the power we have always held.

it is up to us, as a people and as individuals, to take active steps in our lives to decide the trajectory of them. we cannot control what other people do, but we can control what we do. if we decide to make no decision at all, life, or someone else will surely make it for us. there is no decision that we can make that doesn’t come with some sort of sacrifice. everything is hard. choose your hard.

Grateful for your acknowledgment of my post by reading it. Thankful for your “listening ear”.

Always mine,

Markia J.

5.25.23